Yesterday's Weapons Forums

Colorado mountain mayhem.

Halloween horror came early to a remote Colorado mountain this year.
A local resident, identified as a mentally impaired middle-aged recluse (name withheld), was sexually assaulted while riding his snowmobile in the forrest a few days ago, by what has been described as “a Yeti” or “a bigfoot”,.
Wildlife experts surmise the creature must have been foraging for food when it encountered the unlucky victim. The population has been cautioned “Not to wander into the forrest alone until the beast has been captured or destroyed. Or even better to stay inside the house, pray a lot and keep doors locked at all times.” Recently there had been a number of reports of household pets and even a couple of small children gone missing, but these were supposed to be taken by mountain lion or bears preparing for hibernation. As one deputy sherriff stated: “Them dang lill’ critters keep wandering off all the time aniways”. Now local people hesitantly attribute these disappearances to the “Yeti” and fear there may be “a whole tribe of them running wild in yonder mountains”.
The victim in the meantime is reported to be recovering satisfactorily.
Pubic hairs found on the mauled man and presumed to belong to the monster, are being analysed in an undisclosed government laboratory, but so far scientists can only concur these are “humanoid, but definitely not human”.
A white house spokesperson for Da Prez Hussein I stated to the assembled press corps yesterday: “Currently there is no indication whatsoever that the brutal attack which occurred in Colorado recently could be linked to Al-Quaida or any other radical Islamic group, who are generally nice guys anyway. Nevertheless the Department of Homeland Security will remain vigilant in this matter.”
A.G.

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