Hello again, Friends.
In my inexcusably prolonged absence, misfortune has badgered me at every opportunity! I have fallen from favor with the family of the beautiful young woman shown above. This has also led to her perceiving better fortune with an obscenely wealthy man who claimed to be an emir.. pasha... some contrived title of that sort.
Seeing her family was possessed of such immense wealth, he hired private investigators ( these are called 'private dicks' in American parlance, are they not?) to research my humble origins.
This they accomplished with surprising efficiency and thoroughness. They obtained fotos of my wicked, cheating uncles and on purpose allowed themselves to be deceived into purchasing defective electronic devices. This evidence was then presented to the family I longed to join. I was roughly ejected from their palace to the accompaniment of much very rude mockery and derision. To say I was humiliated and dejected is the most profound of understatements!
To make the matter even worse ( if like me you cannot possibly imagine it becoming worse) my treasured love refused to favor me with even a brief sympathetic glance. My last vision of her - which shall torture my soul for all eternity - was of her strolling arm-in-arm with my rival into the family palace.
Alas and alack, in the depths of my profound misery, I seriously considered throwing myself into the holy Ganges and breathing deeply of the waters. But such is much more easily contemplated than actually carried out.
To make the morose tale less lengthy, I made my way into the Pathan tribal regions of Pakistan where people seem to be more 'down to earth' (if I may borrow a phrase from you wonderful Americans) if less eye-appealing. There I made a rough living performing veterinary services upon camels and certain criminals suffering from gunshot wounds. By way of explanation, these rough men would quickly be clapped into irons the very moment they appeared at a hospital for treatment. They paid very well for medical services with no questions asked.
But camels are ungrateful in the extreme and lash out even when relieved of torment. One of the ugly beasts kicked my head so hard, I was quite cross-eyed for a period of 2 months. In addition to that, every time I happened near a micro-wave oven in use, I would urinate copiously into my trousers and forget who I was for an hour or two. it was very distressing to say the least!
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Having had quite enough of that, I made my way back to beautiful India where I received a substantial bonus for signing on as head of the medical staff serving the infamous Women's Prison, Reformatory and Hospital.
That, gentle Friends was a serious mistake as you will graphically see in a moment.
Being the only OB-GYN doctor for many of leagues around, I was required to perform related medical procedure upon these criminal women. The most common of these procedures was of lancing genital boils. Why this group of women is so profoundly afflicted with them is beyond my understanding. But treat them I must as disgusting as it is. What makes the matter even more difficult is that large doses of local anesthetic do not seem to lessen the perceived pain incurred during the procedure. In consequence, the uncouth women will lash out in any way possible.
Such was the case when I had to perform the procedure on a large and vicious prisoner. Perceiving she was vigorously resisting my Pathan medical assistants, I ordered her restrained even more thoroughly than usual. In addition to stout leather straps, one of the Pathan women even sat upon her head!
But the wicked woman was quite agile and very strong. When my back was turned and I was bending over to don rubber surgical gloves, she severely bit my assistant... Friends, I leave you to imagine details of the bite, but it was quite painful and damaging.
In desperation, she then somehow slipped out of her leather restraints and retrieved a knife... modesty forbids me explaining where the large knife was concealed, but I assure you, she had room available for a much larger one!
The following foto tells the story better than words. I had thought my Pathan medical assistants to be loyal and sympathetic, but notice how they smirk at my discomfort!
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My assistant who was bitten did beat the criminal severely. She will be on a liquid diet for quite some time, let me assure you!
Ah, please forgive me Friends. I do not wish to intrude upon your learned conversations with my personal problems.
It does seem to help that I am able to discuss the matter... as difficult as it is attempting to type while laying on my stomach. And it may be my active imagination, but I fancy I hear stifled tittering and giggles from the nursing staff when my dressings are changed.
You may well imagine I have paused to sigh deeply for such is the actual case.
I promise after I am healed, I will return to write of matters much more pleasant
Please forgive that I am not able to offer deeply-discounted electronic devices this time, Friends - perhaps when next we visit!
Your Friend,
Dr. Gupta OB-GYN
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