Yesterday's Weapons Forums

As long as our new "friend" doesn't get too carried away trying to sell stuff, it's cool. SW

huh ? i thought he was buying indian rifles ......oh , yea , those 'electronic dealies'

Hello again, friends. What a morning I have had at the Women's Hospital and Prison! I had five cases of genital boils to deal with, and it was quite a struggle let me tell you!

The first poor wretch was quite anxious about the procedure, and I had my Pathan midwives to restrain her. The patient became wild-eyed at the sight of the lancet and began thrashing about with vigor.

I should have used the straps on the stirrups for she began kicking wildly! I was struck several times by her flailing feet and now have three molars loose in their sockets. There is also a constant ringing in my left ear thanks to the blows

That was not the end of it, though! She managed to kick one of the Pathan women squarely in the face, breaking her nose with a loud crack. As well you can imagine, the wild Pathan woman went into a rage, and I had to wrestle with her to prevent the patient from being stabbed to death!

In the fray, I received a small cut from her deadly knife. Fortunately, it required only 27 sutures. Other patients heard the disturbance and it turned into a regular brawl. If not for the intervention of armed guards, lives surely would have been lost!

Bleeding freely, I had guards restrain the woman and lanced her boil. I hoped she would be at least mildly grateful but no. She screeched like a boiled baboon and heaped upon me the vilest of names and curses.

At least she will not have a carbuncle and associated infections now.

I no doubt bore you with my work problems. I mentioned earlier my sainted mother and have included a photo of her. Now you can see where Pateela gets her uncommon good looks!

Gupteela, unfortunately still struggles socially. I have asked her to sell iPods and other electronic devices, but she is too shy. I again ask if any of you gentlemen would not care to buy some small item from her to help build confidence. I promise you the very lowest of prices!

I must cut our visit short, friends for I have yet four sets of boils to lance. No - make that three. Shown here is a woman who informed on a cartel of drug smugglers on the condition she be freed at once that she not have to undergo having her boils lanced.

The guards told her that her life would be in jeopardy from the drug smugglers, but she made unkind remarks to the effect that fighting them would be very much preferable to enduring the named procedure at my hands. Poor wretch! She has gotten it into her head that operation would leave her unable to enjoy a 'social life' or bear children.

What folly! If only these unfortunate women be a little more cleanly!

If possible, would some of you gentle folk burn an offering for me as I go back into the operating room with lancet in hand? I fear another three brawls. Oh, that I might collect the reward for the outlaw, Usama! THEN would I be able to live as I deserve!

Speaking through a swollen jaw, I remain your servant and provider of all personal electronic devices.

Dr Patel Gupta OB/GYN

Friends, I am too over wrought for sleep. The afternoon went horribly at the Women's Hospital and Prison! All the patients fought the genital boil lancing procedure with extreme vigor!

My Pathan midwives became so tired, they had to be relieved by prison guards who also suffered. Shown is a photo of a prisoner in the recovery room. Please trust me when I say it was not the procedure that required a transfusion but the ensuing fist fight. And this was the easiest of the cases! Vishnu have mercy those women can kick like camels!

A Hindu holy man was present as a witness and also to comfort the prisoners during the lancings. He understood the need for that lest a serious infection threaten their lives and said there would be a very many blessings upon me.

I do not know about blessings, but there were a very many bitings upon me. Some requiring sutures. Also a good many kickings and punchings. Not to mention I was stabbed at least twice by my own lancet!

I confess that sometimes I grow weary of this and hope for a calmer life. I will renew my efforts to equip myself for conquering the outlaw Usama bin Laden and claim the 25 millions of US dollars reward!

Any suggestions of a good fire arm will be appreciated. I need something that can be concealed and that will effectively take a moderator... I believe you wonderful Americans call that a silencer. Whatever the case, do not make answers that will cause trouble with your law enforcement because while moderators are legal here, I understand that is not the case in America.

I believe I will write myself a prescription for a sedative and try to sleep. My bandages seem to have stemmed the bleeding. By chance, would any of you need a quantity of personal electronic devices? This would ease my financial burden to my Uncle Gupta Gupta, and I promise you the very lowest of prices.

Hobbling slowly to the medicine cabinet, I remain your friend and supplier of personal electronic devices,

Dr Patel Gupta OB/GYN

well, after seeing what problems you are having in the womens prison section, i sugguest contact DR.Patel to help you. Now there is no shortages of 'Patels' in India, so just pick one. And they all have a doctors certificate, so not to worry there either....in fact, IF you need more, we here in the US can send some to you there....as we have WAY to many!
But wait, I fear the total US hotel business will collapse if we send you all the Patels we have, then a total economic stock market down-trend will ensue.
Better make due with what you have there, try everyday to see the light that shines for all of God's creatures, even Paris Hilton.

....I hear Dr. Gupta lanced more than boils on Paris...

Hello again, friends. I have been away recovering from a broken jaw. It has not fully mended, but I am able to see well enough to type now.

Yes, my injury was from attempting to treat patients at the Women's Hospital and Prison who were afflicted with genital boils - and two with very painful carbuncles. My attempts were in vain. The women rioted and it spilled out into the street as shown where several policemen were brutally beaten by the women.

I attended a conference with the warden, and she agreed we should suspend treatments except from those who request it. The bad part of that is that my income will be substantially less. I have tried to sell more personal electronic devices, but the market suffers.

I overheard my Pathan midwives mention the outlaw, Usama again and after waiting, I made the ruse of asking after buying a weapon with which to rob a bank. They thought that a capital idea and I have since been offered by men of their tribe a Russian Krinkov with moderator ( silencer to you) for 1000 of US Dollars. Is that too much? I think that with this Krinkov I could carry out my plan to gain the reward by redeeming the outlaw's head. It is shown below. Does it appear to be a good one? I am not sure where I will get that sum of money, though. I hesitate to become deeper into debt to my uncle, Gupta Gupta.

I say it in the strictest of confidence that if that plan fails, robbing a bank might not be a bad idea as my wicked uncle presses me for money. He claims I have cheated him by not doing well enough in medical school to have a prosperous private practice, but I tell you proudly that I have graduated in the top 37 of my class! The class was of 40 students, but the last three studied very hard to best me. They could not!

Unless some of you generous Americans could be persuaded to buy a few small personal electronic devices. I now offer two models of facial massage devices. One uses rechargable batteries and the other plugs directly into a wall outlet of 110 volts and can be adapted for 220 volts. It operates with vigor at that setting!

Women feel vey much refreshed and are put into a very pleasant mood after a nice, satisfying 220 volt facial massage, let me assure you!

I will not clutter this fine site with price lists but will be very happy to provide them in confidence. I promise you the very lowest of prices!

Your servant and provider of personal electronic devices,

Dr Patel Gupta OB/GYN

Hello again friends and possibly good-bye. I have turned to my mother's relatives and an uncle shown below in the large blue head dress has loaned me the 1000 of US dollars for the Russian Krinkov. He feels that my plan to gain the reward for the outlaw, Usama is not viable but that robbing a bank would net money quickly. He expects only a 30% interest which is very much better than the 75% usury uncle Gupta Gupta charges me!

We shall see. I have resigned from the Women's Hospital and Prison. The inmates do not seem to be taking it too hard. An unkind woman said there was a wild celebration at the news, but I am not deceived. There is a Hindu holiday in a few weeks, and I am certain this was a warm-up for that.

At first, I will make my way to the frontier and Pathan tribal area. My mother's cousin shown below taking a rest from his freighting has agreed to transport me there if I will help manage the camels. After the damage I suffered from the horrible women in the prison, I feel I will be no worse off. And the camels smell better.

Along the way, I hope to learn more of the outlaw Usama and compare my chances to making "unauthorised withdrawals" from various banks. With luck, I will be living as shown below. At the worst, I will practice medicine among the Pathans and possibly take a wife. Shown are a group of them who are herding camels. Are they not handsome?

In parting, I will no longer offer personal electronic devices. I perceive you gentle folk have sufficient of those and were apprehensive that if you actually sent money, you would never have seen the merchandise. That was not a bad decision on your part for my uncles are wicked!

Fare well friends and wish me luck! Your friend for ever,

Dr. Patel Gupta, OB/GYN now a Bounty Hunter

Hello again, my friends! I patronise a tea house that has internet and I wished to correspond with you.

I am not wealthy yet, but have not abandoned my dreams. I still seek the reward offered for the outlaw Usama Bin Laden and have a few leads to his whereabouts from my Pathan friends.

I am not yet married but through her father, I have begun relations with a nice Pathan girl. She might seem young to you, but the custom is perfectly proper here.

We have together even attended an outdoor carnival... she was chaperoned by 15 of her aunties. That was an expensive carnival, let me tell you! But as soon as she is able to read and cipher, the courtship will begin in earnest.

Actually, it will begin in Peshawar, but you know what I mean.

Since I needed more Rupees to impress her father, I have returned from the tribal regions to earn a decent salary. I am a stoker on the locomotive shown. I am not shown as my clothing - such as I wear near the fire - is completely blackened by soot and coal dust.

But I have included a foto of my room mate, Zootstra who is a tailor. He is a decent chap and can make you a custom suit at quite an attractive price, let me assure you.

Perhaps this seems a lesser life than that of a successful physician. That is possibly true, but I at more peace with myself now. And I have not had any teeth kicked from my head while lancing the genital boils of woman prisoners. Nor have I had to endure any of their horrid bodily odors!

Let me assure you, friends - less pain and more teeth are a good thing! And a clean-smelling child - soon to be of marriageable age, let me say quickly - is VERY much preferable!

Hoping you are all well, I bid you a happy day. I shall correspond again soon.

Your friend, the former physician now a stoker,

Gupta

...nice to hear from you again Gupta ...by coincidence the closest petrol station to me was recently purchased by one of your countrymen,(and thats no Brahma Bull Dung-I'm quite serious )I am wondering if perhaps they could be one of your distant relatives.... it used to be a Valero,but they renamed the establishment "Gupta's Gas-N-Go"....they are very friendly and helpful and make sure that they keep a good supply of my favorite beer on hand for me to purchase ....here's a strange twist-if you recall last you visited this forum I asked if you could send me your secret family recipe for fried monkey balls....seems that it never arrived and I fear it may have been lost on its way to your main postal hub on one of those trains that frequently seem to fall off the tracks in your mountainous regions,or perhaps collided with an elephant,resulting in many unfortunate injuries-thus being lost or destroyed ...well I inquired at Gupta's Gas-N-Go if they would perhaps be adding this delicassie to their assortment of foods they provide for weary travellers....Mrs Gupta replied that she did not have her families recipe,but would contact a distant cousin still back "in the old country" as she called it....that he has it and that she will inform me as soon as she establishes communication.... .I am wondering if it is possibly YOU that may be that distant cousin...
....stay well and try not to inhale too many locomotive fumes...

Fried monkey 'nads??? Wouldn't it take a herd of soprano primates to make one portion?

There used to be some Injun motel keepers around here - Patel. I think that's Injun for "motel keeper".

Also one with a gas station. He sez his name is "cheema", but is called "spot" by about everyone.

You are the man, Gupta! How about some pics of your financee? No wait! Kiddy pics ain't legal here!! We will take yer word for it! SW

....correct...!!!(depending on the species)...tis' why they are a delicassie... ....ask Gupta-he'll tell ya...however there are larger primates that fall into the "supersize" category....those are even more 'spensive...

I'd probably stick with the smaller monks... IF I was ever tempted to eat something like that.

I think there would be quite a fight, and I would need a gaggle of bandaids no matter the size of the prospective dinner donors.

I don't think you could just run them into a squeeze chute like bovine types.

Saw something on TV once about eating monkey brains - pass on that, too. Mad monkey disease? Not for me!!! SW

i seldom go to a gunfight armed with a knife or just my hands - we dont need no stinking bandaids

Oh yeah - I forgot... since this ain't Inja we don't have to let the monks live.

Big net & a couple ball bats would work ... for you guys that would actually eat... **gag, retch** monkey 'nads! SW

....Satayanaraya says they are Aphrodisiac....

I'm not sure I need Afro-anything. Daisy included! SW

what do girls from india get for their 12th birthday..... answer ugly. argie1891

The natives are restless tonight ....
BRGDS, A

Meanwhile, on the reservation ....
A