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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:16 pm 
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Lance Cpl
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Joined: Sat Dec 26, 2009 11:06 am
Posts: 28
Location: Beautiful India
Greetings from beautiful India, Friends! In my lengthy absense I have been quite busy. I have tried to become close to beautiful, intelligent and wealthy women such as the virtual goddess shown here:

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Vishnu be praised, is she not the very definition of beauty? I rented a new suit and after making myself as presentable as possible, I tried to gain an introduction. Alas, it did not happen. The young woman is very, very wealthy and to be near her requires very much money to join the affluent clubs to which her father is a member. It would also become necessary to appear at social events there in a rented Bentley or Rolls Royce at the very least. I have been told with assurance the young woman would think very favorably of me if I was to appear in a Maybach or Buggati.

Now I find myself in need of Rupees again. My medical practice supports my needs fairly well but little is left over for my savings account. I assure you I am a frugal person, Friends! But I must at least meet the woman so I have contrived a scheme to generate extra income after my medical working hours.

I trust you not to let anyone know I appear in disguise for this endeavor. It would not do for "certain parties" to learn I stoop to such menial labor to inprove myself.

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It took some time for me to learn the art of eyebrow threading, but it earns me more
Rupees than any other service else I offer. In fact, this business has made me very much more money than my medical practice!

Wish me luck, Friends! I think I shall have enough saved in three of months to successfully make my way into a club where I might find the young lady. I shall also strive to be kicked no more in certain portions of my anatomy.

I must comment on an American custom that is steadily gaining acceptance in beautiful India: the "Dance of Sadie Hawkins". The rules are the same in India as America, I believe. On a specified day, single women, spinsters and other unattached females may pursue a single male. Once caught and brought to the location of the dance ( often by brutally physical and crafty means) the male is required to remain in the company of said female. I believe a forced marriage is most often the intent.

Friends, you may think ill of me, but I feel this is an immoral practice and should be outlawed at once!

Such a day has been scheduled in my vicinity. However, I have the ring of a former girl with whom I wished to become engaged. All was going well until her wicked and greedy aunties persuaded her to accept the attentions of a much more wealthy person who happened to be a grocer. I hope they bankrupted him with their incessant eating and snacking! But I did keep the ring which I now use as a talisman to keep unwanted female kidnappers from me.

My elder uncle Fahresh hasn't such a ruse. He is quite single, and three uncouth aunties have stated their intent to get him into the dance by any means necessary.

Uncle Fahresh wants nothing of the sort. The women want only a soource of food and money to squander in the markets. He has been training and for his age is quite fast on his feet. He is shown here practicing his get-away. I intend to aid him in any possible way if only by shouting words of encouragement.

"Run, Fahresh, run!"

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I must away to work now Friends. I hope to have a foto very soon of myself and the beauty.

Your Friend,

Dr Gupta, OB-GYN and eyebrow threader

_________________
कमख़र्ची दौलत लक्षण उभरने लगते हैं।पहले कनपटी ( Thrift begets wealth)


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 12:47 pm 
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Теперь предлагаем бесплатную ежедневную маммографию!
Теперь предлагаем бесплатную ежедневную маммографию!
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Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 9:04 pm
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Location: North Antelope Coal Mine
Eyebrow threading? I had to look it up. And people pay to have this done? :roll: SW


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Darkness is all around us and enemy are just beyond the perimeter.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 8:11 pm 
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VA-75 Spook
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:46 pm
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Location: Ooooo-Hio
....its the "baby hair shaving" that had me scratchin my eyebrows..... :-o :ow: :kap: :rotflma:

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....Naj puška govori!....
.............deplorable typical "bitter clinger"....


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2012 10:47 pm 
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Major
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Joined: Sat Aug 04, 2007 12:23 pm
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Location: Western Oregon
Thank goodness! I had visions of a needle about the size used to sew up hop bales and hemp thread! :-o

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"The great object is, that every man be armed."
- Patrick Henry

"Firearms stand next in importance to the Constitution itself. They are the people's liberty teeth ...... firearms everywhere restrains evil interference. When firearms go, all goes..."
GEORGE WASHINGTON


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2012 12:18 pm 
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Brigadier General
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Location: Minnesota , USA
i been really trying hard not to get any word pictures in my head .....but i may have to quit visiting this thread as they seem to stick like the little jingles that good adverts have .....repaling and replaying over and over and over :kap:


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Wed Jun 05, 2013 3:21 pm 
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Lance Cpl
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Joined: Sat Dec 26, 2009 11:06 am
Posts: 28
Location: Beautiful India
Hello again Friends! Please forgive my long absense. I have finally found a beautiful woman with whom I have entered into a very cordial relationship! Enclosed are fotos of she and I in poses we did as a lark. Is she not beautiful in the extreme? Does she not have a wonderful sense of humor?

There are so many of endearing features about her I cannot possibly enumerate them all! She is not an uncouth Pathan! She has substantial education in the practice of law and has even dabbled in the research of particle physics! She is neat and clean to a fault! She bathes regularly and flosses her teeth! I do not believe she wears the same undergarments more than two of days at a time! I could carry on for pages about her but will bore you no further on the matter other than to say her family is quite well-to-do!

I use a comparison you wonderful Americans may well understand... the family has more money than the financially formidable Scrooge McDuck! It would not surprise me to learn they go diving in a swimming pool filled with money!

Oh, happiness!!! Oh, rapture! Oh, Vishnu, Krishna and assorted dieties, I thank you with every sub-atomic particle of my unworthy soul!

I shall return in time with further wonderful details but must leave now for a formal dinner at her families' estate which lies amid vast tracts of extremely profitable tea farms!

I leave you with the enclosed fotos that you may contemplate my elation. I do hope I make a favorable impression on her elderly and possibly eccentric aunties whom I will be meeting for the first time at the formal dinner. Wish me luck, Friends!

Your Friend and electronic device salesperson no longer, ( I will make an exception for the lot of you and promise you tablets and cellular telephones at discounted prices)

Dr (happy at last) Gupta, OB-GYN

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_________________
कमख़र्ची दौलत लक्षण उभरने लगते हैं।पहले कनपटी ( Thrift begets wealth)


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Mon Jul 15, 2013 1:48 pm 
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Brigadier General
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Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2007 9:26 am
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Location: Minnesota , USA
looks delightful - lucky you , 8-)


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Sun Jul 17, 2016 12:07 pm 
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Lance Cpl
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Joined: Sat Dec 26, 2009 11:06 am
Posts: 28
Location: Beautiful India
Hello again, Friends.

In my inexcusably prolonged absence, misfortune has badgered me at every opportunity! I have fallen from favor with the family of the beautiful young woman shown above. This has also led to her perceiving better fortune with an obscenely wealthy man who claimed to be an emir.. pasha... some contrived title of that sort.

Seeing her family was possessed of such immense wealth, he hired private investigators ( these are called 'private dicks' in American parlance, are they not?) to research my humble origins.

This they accomplished with surprising efficiency and thoroughness. They obtained fotos of my wicked, cheating uncles and on purpose allowed themselves to be deceived into purchasing defective electronic devices. This evidence was then presented to the family I longed to join. I was roughly ejected from their palace to the accompaniment of much very rude mockery and derision. To say I was humiliated and dejected is the most profound of understatements!

To make the matter even worse ( if like me you cannot possibly imagine it becoming worse) my treasured love refused to favor me with even a brief sympathetic glance. My last vision of her - which shall torture my soul for all eternity - was of her strolling arm-in-arm with my rival into the family palace.

Alas and alack, in the depths of my profound misery, I seriously considered throwing myself into the holy Ganges and breathing deeply of the waters. But such is much more easily contemplated than actually carried out.

To make the morose tale less lengthy, I made my way into the Pathan tribal regions of Pakistan where people seem to be more 'down to earth' (if I may borrow a phrase from you wonderful Americans) if less eye-appealing. There I made a rough living performing veterinary services upon camels and certain criminals suffering from gunshot wounds. By way of explanation, these rough men would quickly be clapped into irons the very moment they appeared at a hospital for treatment. They paid very well for medical services with no questions asked.

But camels are ungrateful in the extreme and lash out even when relieved of torment. One of the ugly beasts kicked my head so hard, I was quite cross-eyed for a period of 2 months. In addition to that, every time I happened near a micro-wave oven in use, I would urinate copiously into my trousers and forget who I was for an hour or two. it was very distressing to say the least!

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Having had quite enough of that, I made my way back to beautiful India where I received a substantial bonus for signing on as head of the medical staff serving the infamous Women's Prison, Reformatory and Hospital.

That, gentle Friends was a serious mistake as you will graphically see in a moment.

Being the only OB-GYN doctor for many of leagues around, I was required to perform related medical procedure upon these criminal women. The most common of these procedures was of lancing genital boils. Why this group of women is so profoundly afflicted with them is beyond my understanding. But treat them I must as disgusting as it is. What makes the matter even more difficult is that large doses of local anesthetic do not seem to lessen the perceived pain incurred during the procedure. In consequence, the uncouth women will lash out in any way possible.

Such was the case when I had to perform the procedure on a large and vicious prisoner. Perceiving she was vigorously resisting my Pathan medical assistants, I ordered her restrained even more thoroughly than usual. In addition to stout leather straps, one of the Pathan women even sat upon her head!

But the wicked woman was quite agile and very strong. When my back was turned and I was bending over to don rubber surgical gloves, she severely bit my assistant... Friends, I leave you to imagine details of the bite, but it was quite painful and damaging.

In desperation, she then somehow slipped out of her leather restraints and retrieved a knife... modesty forbids me explaining where the large knife was concealed, but I assure you, she had room available for a much larger one!

The following foto tells the story better than words. I had thought my Pathan medical assistants to be loyal and sympathetic, but notice how they smirk at my discomfort!

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My assistant who was bitten did beat the criminal severely. She will be on a liquid diet for quite some time, let me assure you!

Ah, please forgive me Friends. I do not wish to intrude upon your learned conversations with my personal problems.

It does seem to help that I am able to discuss the matter... as difficult as it is attempting to type while laying on my stomach. And it may be my active imagination, but I fancy I hear stifled tittering and giggles from the nursing staff when my dressings are changed.

You may well imagine I have paused to sigh deeply for such is the actual case.

I promise after I am healed, I will return to write of matters much more pleasant

Please forgive that I am not able to offer deeply-discounted electronic devices this time, Friends - perhaps when next we visit!

Your Friend,

Dr. Gupta OB-GYN

_________________
कमख़र्ची दौलत लक्षण उभरने लगते हैं।पहले कनपटी ( Thrift begets wealth)


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Mon Jul 18, 2016 11:08 pm 
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Brigadier General
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Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2007 9:26 am
Posts: 16206
Location: Minnesota , USA
im back to the first photo - she is gorgeous , i can do without thinking on the others thank you ,


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Sat Jul 23, 2016 10:47 pm 
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Sergeant Major
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Joined: Sat Jul 05, 2008 9:32 pm
Posts: 356
Location: Mobile, AL.
(In my best fake Indian accent)

I am standing here beside myself. My goodness gracious me!


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Sun Jul 24, 2016 10:46 pm 
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VA-75 Spook
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:46 pm
Posts: 6524
Location: Ooooo-Hio
.....I am sooooo tempted to put up a Ravi Shankar link... :rotflma: :grin:

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....Naj puška govori!....
.............deplorable typical "bitter clinger"....


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Sun Jul 24, 2016 11:06 pm 
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Brigadier General
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Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2007 9:26 am
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Location: Minnesota , USA
i can hear that in my head ..............now i want to unhear it please


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2016 11:26 am 
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Теперь предлагаем бесплатную ежедневную маммографию!
Теперь предлагаем бесплатную ежедневную маммографию!
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Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 9:04 pm
Posts: 7810
Location: North Antelope Coal Mine
Herr Mario wrote:
.....I am sooooo tempted to put up a Ravi Shankar link... :rotflma: :grin:


Oh, don't lay it on too thick - poor guy is severely butt hurt right now. Literally! ;) :bigrin: SW

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Darkness is all around us and enemy are just beyond the perimeter.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2016 10:08 pm 
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Brigadier General
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Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2007 9:26 am
Posts: 16206
Location: Minnesota , USA
ya hey - he had so much and lost it all , how can you be so callous as to plant the seed of those versus in my mind - er his mind , i think its time to look back to our old west and the sentiments of our country roots .....lets see , how does that go ? ....if you want to be happy for the rest of your life - marry an ugly woman


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Mon Jul 25, 2016 10:26 pm 
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Теперь предлагаем бесплатную ежедневную маммографию!
Теперь предлагаем бесплатную ежедневную маммографию!
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 9:04 pm
Posts: 7810
Location: North Antelope Coal Mine
Ugly... maybe... just not one from the Women's Prison, Reformatory & Hospital. Those boils might be catching!!! :-o :rotflma: :rotflma: :rotflma: :rotflma: :kap: SW

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Darkness is all around us and enemy are just beyond the perimeter.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 8:21 pm 
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VA-75 Spook
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Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 10:46 pm
Posts: 6524
Location: Ooooo-Hio
.....perhaps we should give Gupta a new nick-name......... how 'bout "Sir Lance-a-lot"...... :grin: :grin: :grin: :grin: :rotflma:

_________________
....Naj puška govori!....
.............deplorable typical "bitter clinger"....


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 8:46 pm 
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Теперь предлагаем бесплатную ежедневную маммографию!
Теперь предлагаем бесплатную ежедневную маммографию!
User avatar

Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2007 9:04 pm
Posts: 7810
Location: North Antelope Coal Mine
Yeah... it boils down to something like that. :crzy: :rotflma: :rotflma: :rotflma: SW

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Darkness is all around us and enemy are just beyond the perimeter.


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 Post subject: Re: Hello from India!
PostPosted: Tue Jul 26, 2016 10:38 pm 
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Brigadier General
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Joined: Mon Aug 06, 2007 9:26 am
Posts: 16206
Location: Minnesota , USA
i got nothun .............. :fny:


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