Oh, yes! I have been assaulted in that manner very many of times, let me assure you! At the women's prison and hospital, the vile inmates were very creative in ways to inflict pain upon the unwary. I have been kicked between the legs with vigor so often, there is some doubt of my ability to reproduce!
Please forgive my lengthy absense. I have had an adventure or two and will relate them now if it does not interrupt your learned discussions of firearms and the woman with excessively large feet, Paris Hilton.
I did in fact ,make my way into the Pathan tribal regions where I practiced obstetrics among the hill people. In accordance with the local perception of modesty, I hired and trained two Pathan aunties to act as nurses in a rough sort of way. Things were not going too badly, and I was able to save a few Rupees against future needs.
I should have suspected things were going too smoothly. A tribal elder sought my advice and assistance in delivering the calf from his favourite racing camel. (In this remote and primitive region, there is no such thing as a veterinarian.) She had earned him large sums of Rupees, and he firmly believed the calf would become even faster than its dam.
So I went to his tents with surgical instruments. His employees had the vile creature bound and ready for the veterinary procedure to extract the calf. Almost. Upon merely touching the animal in a kindly way meant to calm it, I was kicked in the head with such vigor that I became cross-eyed! Such pains I had never before experienced!
The damage to my vision was so great I was unable to continue my medical practices. When the swellings and bruisings finally subsided, I resolved to make my way back into India that I might seek medical attention that could restore my sight to its former sharpness.
After paying off my nurses, I set out for India. At some remote village near the frontier, I stopped for a refreshing drink of water. However, with my impaired vision, I somehow fell into the village well! You wonderful friends can well imagine how I was bounced about during the uncouth descent to the bottom of the well. My head was struck against the rocky sides many of times until I landed in the water.
Happily there were a number of women at the well to draw water for their family's needs, and they soon hauled me out. (I suspect I was "groped" by some of them, but modesty forbids further discussion of those uninhibited elder women!)
Vishnu be praised, my vision was restored! Kicked in the head by a camel - I was rendered cross-eyed. Falling down a well - I became normal again. I don't know. Let me assure you I burned a large quantity of incense and prayed with vigor for three full days!
Since I was close to India, I resolved to continue to my family's properties and arrived just in time for my favorite Auntie's birthday celebration. An elder cousin is shown here enhancing the ambience by the playings of his nose flutes. While he appears uncouth, he is actually quite skilled. His rendition of "Flight of the Bumblebee" is very stirring and always leaves everyone ( including himself) breathless.
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In the background of the foto can be seen other relatives and well-wishers. It is a handsome gathering, do you not think?
Something else happened here that has stiffened my resolve to improve myself. I chanced to see the American television program "Big Bang Theory". One of the characters is an Indian lad named "Raj". He is portrayed as having a doctorate in particle physics. His father is a successful Obstetrician in India. What a wonderful idea to have an intelligent son who has attained a Phd at university!
The more I considered the idea, the more I became resolved to carry it off myself! I shall become even more dedicated to my work and the seeking out of a beautiful and intelligent bride ( who I must add needs to be quite wealthy into the bargain) with whom to have a brilliant son. He would be encouraged to devote himself to his studies, and I would be able to bask in the glory of his achievements. Also the rich benefits of his enoumous financial earnings!
Do I dream too much, Friends?
Well, one does not succeed if one does not attempt. I leave you now to begin the earnest search for a suitable bride with whom to have an intelligent and successful child.
Now if only I have not been kicked in a certain portion of my anatomy too many times! Well, there is only one way to see if that has been the case: practice. Wish me luck, friends!
With greatest expectations, I remain Your Friend in India
Dr Gupta - OB/GYN and hopeful father of a PHD
( While I plan to abandon my personal electronic goods business, I will still obtain them for my friends here, At the very lowest of prices, of course!)
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